‘We’re So Screwed,’ Says Detroit Lions Fan After Seeing They Got Matched Up Against Other Teams Again

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Illustration for article titled ‘We’re So Screwed,’ Says Detroit Lions Fan After Seeing They Got Matched Up Against Other Teams Again

DETROIT—Dashing any hope he had for the upcoming season, Lions fan Paul Benson told reporters Thursday that Detroit was “so screwed” after seeing they got matched up against other teams again. “Ah, shit, this season is gonna suck,” said Benson upon realizing that the Lions would face other NFL teams multiple weeks in a row, decrying how unfair it was they had to repeatedly go head-to-head with professional football franchises.“It’s back-to-back-to-back-to-back games, and for half of them, we have to go play in a whole different city. What the hell? In the first four weeks, we play teams that have won the Super Bowl. The NFL is always fucking screwing us like this—it’s bullshit!” At press time, Benson told reporters that he was looking forward to the bye week.