Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Please Join PajamaSurf!
Join Now

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Flying through the sky with hundreds of other people in a cramped metal tube may seem luxurious, but you’d be surprised at how many corners airlines will cut behind your back. Here are the most horrifying things low-cost carriers will do to keep tickets cheap.

Advertisement

Pilots

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Many budget airlines, including Spirit, Frontier, and Southwest, have gotten rid of costly trained pilots and replaced them with anyone who looks decent in epaulets.

Advertisement

3 / 21

Sponsored Turbulence

Sponsored Turbulence

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Rather than let any monetizable ad space go to waste, turbulence is often sponsored by big-named brands such as Oreo, Microsoft, ExxonMobil, and Pepsi.

Advertisement

4 / 21

Reuse Planes

Reuse Planes

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Like it or not, profit-hungry airline CEOs actually require pilots to take off, fly, and land some planes up to 3 and sometimes even 4 times.

Advertisement

5 / 21

Charging Orphans More

Charging Orphans More

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

What are they going to do, complain to their parents?

Advertisement

6 / 21

Say They’re Flying To London But Fly To Cincinnati Instead

Say They’re Flying To London But Fly To Cincinnati Instead

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Unfortunately, it’s a lot cheaper to fly to Cincinnati, and most passengers can’t tell the difference.

Advertisement

7 / 21

Reduce Pilot Training To Five-Minute Pre-Flight Video

Reduce Pilot Training To Five-Minute Pre-Flight Video

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

While passengers are reviewing safety features, most pilots are actually learning flying essentials for the first time in the cockpit.

Advertisement

8 / 21

Bean Bag Seating

Bean Bag Seating

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Rather than giving people the legroom they need, many airlines have opted to simply throw a few bean bags on the ground and let people have at it.

Advertisement

9 / 21

Firing Lamox the Wizard of Flight

Firing Lamox the Wizard of Flight

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Though Lamox has personally taught every active airline pilot how to navigate the skies, due to increasing costs, his services will no longer be required.

Advertisement

10 / 21

Avoid Landing

Avoid Landing

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Landing is one of the most expensive aspects of the flight process, as it takes several highly specialized professionals to accomplish, so some airlines are skipping it altogether.

Advertisement

11 / 21

Shaving The Heads Of Passengers, Pilots And Flight Attendants Before The Flight

Shaving The Heads Of Passengers, Pilots And Flight Attendants Before The Flight

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

This can lighten the load by nearly 100 pounds.

Advertisement

Cars

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Look, you get people drunk enough in the airport, they don’t know what they’re boarding.

Advertisement

13 / 21

Inventing The Peanut Allergy

Inventing The Peanut Allergy

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Airlines used to spend millions on providing free peanuts to passengers until they manufactured a deadly food allergy.

Advertisement

14 / 21

Get Bailed Out By Congress Every Few Years

Get Bailed Out By Congress Every Few Years

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

All the airlines need to do is ask for a few trillion dollars of bailout money every few years and Congress will write that check after they sell some of their shares in the company.

Advertisement

15 / 21

Padding Their Staff With Paid Extras

Padding Their Staff With Paid Extras

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

In order to appear fully staffed, one in four uniformed team members is actually an unsuccessful actor who is paid to simulate vaguely employee-like behavior.

Advertisement

16 / 21

Build A Fake Version Of Paris Around The Airplane Instead Of Actually Flying To Paris

Build A Fake Version Of Paris Around The Airplane Instead Of Actually Flying To Paris

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Airline executives say this works more frequently than you’d expect.

Advertisement

17 / 21

Pawning Luggage

Pawning Luggage

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Most airlines will take the most expensive item out of every piece of luggage and pawn it.

Advertisement

18 / 21

Eliminating Albuquerque

Eliminating Albuquerque

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Destroying Duke City means no more cost-inefficient flights to New Mexico. It’s simple math.

Advertisement

19 / 21

Using Passengers As Fuel

Using Passengers As Fuel

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

Rather than pay high prices for petroleum, airlines will often randomly select two or three passengers a flight to be burnt alive as fuel for the journey.

Advertisement

20 / 21

Crashing From Time To Time

Crashing From Time To Time

Image for article titled Most Horrifying Things Airlines Do To Keep Their Prices Down

A good purposeful airplane crash usually results in ticket prices bottoming out.

Advertisement