NASSAU, BAHAMAS—Describing the constant barrage of emotional highs as a welcome but exhausting facet of their tour, the vacationing Hartford family confirmed Friday that they were almost getting tired of all the unforgettable memories they had made while aboard a five-night Royal Caribbean Cruise. “Obviously, I’m thankful for the first few days of constant heart-racing thrills, next-level culinary attractions, and dazzling sights, and particularly how they brought us together as a family in a way I’ve never felt before, but I’m almost at the point where I don’t need to create any more once-in-a-lifetime experiences that I’ll remember forever,” said father Garrison Hartford, who noted that it was possible to have too much of a good thing before rushing to stress how much he appreciated the first few dozen times he had felt an unimaginable closeness and intimacy toward his wife and children while going down one of the cruise’s water slides or while singing at the Spotlight Karaoke bar. “I know on my deathbed I’ll just see my son and me going scuba diving, my wife sitting in with the steel drum band, and obviously the time that the world-class dining caused all of us to weep uncontrollable tears of happiness. Of course, I will. These are some of the most precious memories I’ve ever made. But what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? It’ll just be a gray, unremarkable march toward death when I’m not aboard the Utopia of the Seas.” At press time, the Hartford family had reportedly concluded that their only viable options were to blow their brains out or go on another Royal Caribbean Cruise next year.