NEW YORK—Slurring his words as he made an impassioned argument about why he was the right man for the job, local drunk man Greg Adams reportedly approached a bucket drummer Friday and begged for the opportunity to act as his manager. “Listen, man, you got it—you got all those goods,” said a visibly wobbly Adams, promising the street performer “all the jobs of a rock guy, and the girls” if he gave him a chance to represent him, before pausing his pitch to finish that last swig in a beer bottle. “I went to school with Santano’s [sic] cousin, and he can tell us all the different stages. My connections will take your life to the biggest level of songs—what have you got to lose with it? All I’m asking is for ten percent of the coins in your hat. Here, do a pinkie promise.” At press time, Adams was reportedly seen handing a lamppost his client’s performance rider.