Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Please Join PajamaSurf!
Join Now

Start Slideshow
Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Donald Trump recently announced on Truth Social that he has teamed up with country music artist Lee Greenwood to sell a custom “God Bless The USA” Bible for $59.99. Here is everything we know about the bespoke religious text that the former president is hawking.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Scholarly Annotations By Kevin Sorbo

Scholarly Annotations By Kevin Sorbo

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

The MAGA loyalist and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys star provides insightful historical notes throughout.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Drippings From Trump’s Cheeseburger

Drippings From Trump’s Cheeseburger

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

The grease stains appearing midway through the Gospel of Mark were only made on a few copies, which are now limited-edition collector’s items.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Part Where Jesus Encounters 5,000 Hungry People And Runs Them Over With Pickup Truck

Part Where Jesus Encounters 5,000 Hungry People And Runs Them Over With Pickup Truck

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Other Bibles just gloss over this miracle.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Israelites Have Been Renamed

Israelites Have Been Renamed

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

In order to make them seem less Jewish, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob now go by Tucker, Rudy, and Ted Nugent.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Retelling Of Crucifixion In Which Jesus Is Killed By Migrant Caravan

Retelling Of Crucifixion In Which Jesus Is Killed By Migrant Caravan

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

The edited scripture stresses Jesus never would’ve died if Jerusalem had a strong border wall.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

1988 ‘Hustler’ Centerfold

1988 ‘Hustler’ Centerfold

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Amberlee is a barely legal dancer out of Sarasota, Florida.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Readers Are Named As Co-Defendants In His Next Legal Case

Readers Are Named As Co-Defendants In His Next Legal Case

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Nestled within the “terms and conditions” is a clause that states purchase of the Bible makes the owner legally culpable in all future cases brought against Trump, whether civil or criminal.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Trump’s Golf Scorecard

Trump’s Golf Scorecard

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

If God Almighty says Trump shot a 67, then it must be true.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Blasphemy Matches

Blasphemy Matches

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

The inside cover includes a set of easy-strike matches for burning all heretical, non-Trump versions of the Bible.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Eric Trump Chew Marks

Eric Trump Chew Marks

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

He got ahold of a few copies, sorry.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Upgradable

Upgradable

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

For an extra $20 you can get one that says adultery is okay.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Illuminations Of Jesus Participating In Jan. 6

Illuminations Of Jesus Participating In Jan. 6

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Apparently Christ the Lord would’ve gladly hung Mike Pence.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Trump Family Genealogy

Trump Family Genealogy

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

If you read closely enough you will see that the former president is a descendant of Jacob and will live to be 248 years old.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Several Classified Documents

Several Classified Documents

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Copies of the U.S. military’s nuclear launch codes can be found midway through Leviticus in most copies.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Supplemental Section Includes Lyrics To Kid Rock’s ‘Bawitdaba’

Supplemental Section Includes Lyrics To Kid Rock’s ‘Bawitdaba’

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Part of the effort to collect all the most significant spiritual texts in one place.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

Three Bonus Gospels

Three Bonus Gospels

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

The Trump New Testament includes never-before-seen books including the Gospels of Eric, Tiffany, and Boebert.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

No Old Testament

No Old Testament

Image for article titled Best Parts Of Trump’s $60 ‘God Bless The USA’ Bible

Too Jewish.

Advertisement

Previous Slide
Next Slide

You’ve Made It This Far…

You’ve Made It This Far…

Advertisement